Key events
68 min: Bournemouth 0-0 Leicester
The BBC are showing some highlights from this game. Things we missed: Marc Albrighton and Marcos Senesi both hit the post, Senesi with a curling cross that missed everybody in the middle.
The latest scores
“Whenever I see mention of the Blackburn No8,” begins Adam Roberts, “I think of one thing.”
And once something like that gets in your head… I can’t watch Timothy Castagne play for Leicester without hearing this.
Half time: Luton 1-3 Haaland
A hat-trick of almost chilling simplicity from Erling Haaland has put Manchester City in charge at Kenilworth Road. Kevin De Bruyne, strolling round the field like a superior species, made all three goals.
Half time: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle
Cagey but interesting fare at Ewood Park. Blackburn have had the better chances on the break, not that there have been many for either side. On the admittedly slim evidence of 45 minutes while also trying to follow two other games, Blackburn look a well-coached side – especially as John Eustace has only been in charge for a couple of weeks.
GOAL! Luton 1-3 Man City (Clark 44)
Crikey, what a fine goal. Barkley flicks the ball back to Jordan Clark, 25 yards from goal and with Bernardo Silva pressing him. He shifts the ball past Silva, to his right, and crashes a spectacular dipping shot that flies into the top corner. That was a bit like a Juninho free-kick, only in open play.
44 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle Moran, who looks a fine player, clips a 30-yard pass to leave Szmodics one v one with Schar on the edge of the area. He moves the ball to his left and batters a shot that is tipped over by Dubravka. It was straight above his head, which made it a comfortable save, but Blackburn look the more dangerous team right now.
GOAL! Luton 0-3 Man City (Haaland 41)
A hat-trick for Erling Haaland, and a hat-trick of assists for Kevin De Bruyne. It was similar to the second goal: through ball, green grass, Haaland’s speed. This time he dinked the ball slowly over Krul, and why not.
VAR tried to get busy but Haaland timed his run and was onside.
39 min: Luton 0-2 Man City Both teams have lost a player to injury. Luton are bringing on Joe Johnson for Amari’i Bell; City have replaced a tearful Jack Grealish with Jeremy Doku. It looks like a recurrence of Grealish’s groin injury; poor guy has had a miserable season.
38 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle Blackburn are allowing to Newcastle to have the ball, knowing they can hurt them on the break. Newcastle look a bit sluggish.
35 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle “Peter, your Dr. Strangelove approach to mozzie control sounds more effective than my strategy of playing dead and switching the lights on in an attempt to ‘catch’ the mosquito as soon as I hear it starting another attack run.
“This game could use a bit of Godzilla’s directness. Too much faffing about and sideways passing. I can feel Graeme Souness’s disdain for modern football from the Southern Hemisphere…”
That’s because he’s in your house mate. The buzzing you can hear in the lounge isn’t a mosquito, it’s Souey reflecting on the last time Newcastle reached an FA Cup semi-final.
32 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle As would that. The resulting corner is clipped to Szmodics, 25 yards out. He takes the ball on his chest and whistles a sweet drive that is close to Dubravka.
Moments later, at the other end, Longstaff’s shot on the turn from a very tight angle kis kicked behind by the keeper Aynsley Pears.
31 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle Dubravka makes a fine save! Moran moves forward from midfield and finds Dolan on the right side of the area. He drills a low cross shot that is fingertipped round the post by Dubravka. Szmodics was waiting behind him to score, though he was offside. Dolan’s shot could have gone straight in though, and that would have counted.
30 min: Luton 0-2 Man City De Bruyne’s volley is smartly saved by Krul, plunging to his right, and he gets to his feet to save Haaland’s follow-up. Haaland probably should have scored. Has Pep taken him as far as he can?
27 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle A very good chance for Blackburn. Buckley chests an awkward ball lazily, thrillingly away from Bruno Guimaraes before putting Szmodics through on goal with a lovely angled pass. Szmodics’ first touch takes him slightly wide and he splatters a rising drive into the side netting.
Not a dreadful miss, but a miss nonetheless. The set-up from John Buckley was delightful, the kind of think that has you rushing to buy him for Real Madrid on your latest game of Football Manager. You’ll make a star of him, yeah you will.
25 min: Luton 0-2 Man City Haaland is denied a hat-trick, at least for the next few minutes, by a good save from Krul.
24 min: BBR 0-0 Newcastle The atmosphere sounds really good at Ewood Park. Neither team has had a shot on target but it looks a lively enough game.
“If I could just join Brendan Large in some pedantry,” says David Flynn, “the BBC have gone with BBR as an abbreviation for Blackburn on their onscreen scoreboard, rather than the clearly more acceptable BLA.”
What do you expect of such a woke outfit? They won’t even advocate the cold-blooded murder of mosquitoes.
The latest scores
Half time: Bournemouth 0-0 Leicester I don’t know what else to tell you, mainly because I only have two TV screens and they’ve been showing Blackburn and Luton since 8pm.
GOAL! Luton 0-2 Man City (Haaland 18)
And it’s definitely good night from Luton. The keeper Ortega Moreno goes long to Haaland, who touches the ball off to De Bruyne in the centre circle. He has a quick touch and slides a return pass into the beautiful open space behind the Luton defence.
Haaland gallops into it and forces a shot through Krul. That was devastating in its simplicty and economy. I think there were only five touches from the moment the ball left Ortega Moreno’s boot.
Match delayed: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle Blackburn look lively, and given Newcastle’s mood the first goal feels particularly valuable.
There’s a delay of around 60 seconds when the home fans throw a load of tennis balls on the field to protest against 14 years of Venky’s ownership. Surely a few chicken lollipos would have been more eye-catching.
Match report: England 5-1 Italy
In other news, England trounced Italy in Spain earlier this evening. Suzanne Wrack was there.
13 min: Luton 0-1 Man City Luton have responded really well to going behind, though you do get the feeling that Kevin De Bruyne could score or make a goal to order. It’s a decent game.
11 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle “I’d like to make amends by offering Chris Paraskevas this hot tip for defeating mosquitoes in the bedroom,” says Peter Oh. “Use an insect-killing racquet, channel your inner Godzilla and Andy Murray, and zap the living daylights out of the flying bugger.”
There goes the Guardian’s proud reputation for wokery.
8 min: Blackburn 0-0 Newcastle “The two most prominent artworks in my room are a signed Alan Shearer Testimonial Scarf (probably the best Newcastle game of the last 20 years) and a signed photo of Shola Ameobi that permanently sits on my bedside table (which has possibly cursed our entire season),” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Now I feel really old. Thanks Peter.”
7 min: Luton 0-1 Man City Two chances in quick succession for Carlton Morris, both from crosses by Alfie Doughty. He fresh-aired the first and the second was very well blocked by Nathan Ake.
That was such a simple goal; the ball barely left the floor. Nunes cut inside from the left and found De Bruyne, surging beyond a defender and into the area. He pulled the ball back to Haaland, who screwed a shot into the ground and past Krul.
GOAL! Luton 0-1 Man City (Haaland 4)
And it’s goodnight from Luton. (Probably.)
“There’s something endearingly cheerful about the young man in the Blackburn Rovers picture,” writes Charles Antaki. “The toothy grin, the 1920s haircut, and the classic blue and white halves of the shirt. Good stuff. I imagine that all the rest of him and his clobber is achingly 21st-century, but what we can see is pleasingly old-fashioned.”
The two 8pm games are under way, and these are the latest scores.
22 min: Bournemouth 0-0 Leicester Now Alex Scott has missed an excellent chance for Bournemouth, screwing a shot over the bar from 10 yards after a cut back from Luis Sinisterra.
18 min: Bournemouth 0-0 Leicester This is a decent game, being played at a good pace. Bournemouth’s Turkish striker Enes Unal has just had a shot cleared off the line by Hamza Choudhury.
“With no disrespect to Chris Paraskevas and Zurab Khizanishvili,” says Peter Oh, “surely this is the Alan Shearer Derby?”
Oh, Peter. I think that was the joke. Either that or Chris is 17 years old and has never heard of Alan Shearer, or indeed Andy Cole.
The joys of social media
There are no replays in the fifth round of the FA Cup. But games can go to extra-time and penalties if necessary.
Blackburn v Newcastle The kick-off has been delayed by 15 minutes due to crowd congestion, so that match will also began at 8pm.
Blackburn v Newcastle
“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Some housekeeping before I bombard you with updates from The Zurab Khizanishvili Derby…
a) I’ve only had one major argument with a neighbour since we last spoke (it was bigger and better than the last one…)
b) A single mosqito infiltrated my bedroom and kept me awake all night. Couldn’t outsmart him.
c) Eddie Howe is definitely/possibly in save-your-season/job territory tonight. What a difference 12 months makes in football, eh?”
Innit. The Carabao Cup final was a year ago yesterday.
The ills of social media
“Am I the only one very annoyed by Luton’s team announcement tweet!?” says Brendan Large. “It’s bad enough when clubs tweet teams in the order of their squad numbers (instead of position), but doing so without even including the numbers is a new low in my eyes… for shame Luton.”
At least they’ve put them in order of position though. Every cloud?
Peep peep! Bournemouth v Leicester is under way, and Leicester are already threatening.
Luton v Man City team news
Both managers have picked very strong sides, with only two outfield changes apiece. Jack Grealish gets a chance to impress Pep Guardiola.
Your City squad tonight! 🩵
XI | Ortega Moreno, Walker (C), Stones, Akanji, Ake, Kovacic, Nunes, De Bruyne, Bernardo, Grealish, Haaland
SUBS | Ederson, Dias, Doku, Rodrigo, Alvarez, Gomez, Foden, Bobb, Lewis#ManCity | @etihad pic.twitter.com/mvGnBiwJya
— Manchester City (@ManCity) February 27, 2024
Pre-match reading
Blackburn v Newcastle team news
John Eustace and Eddie Howe have picked pretty strong sides. Howe makes five changes from the defeat at the Emirates but it feels the majority are based on merit rather than a desire to rotate.
Bournemouth v Leicester team news
Five changes for Bournemouth, nine for Leicester. Hashtag priorities.
Preamble
Good day, good evening, good morning and welcome to our latest FA Cup clockwatch. Three games tonight, all kicking off at different times for maximum inconvience, and all intriguing in different ways.
With three of the Premier League’s top five already out of the competition, there is a decent chance for an outsider to go all most of the way this season, maybe as far as the semi-finals.
Bournemouth, Leicester, Luton and Blackburn all fall into that category, though promotion/relegation-avoidance may take priority. The team news will reveal all. Newcastle should satill aspire to win the competition, though for now they just want to avoid a shock defeat that would increase the slightly unfair pressure on Eddie Howe.
I won’t insult your intelligence by elaborating on Manchester City’s chances of winning a trophy.